I think it’s fully legit to say that I have no earthly clue where my life is heading at the moment. Sounds pretty dramatic, no? Well, probably. I guess I have a general earthly clue: I like Spain, it’s nice, and I could see myself staying here for awhile longer, but ultimately I am still enamored with the idea of moving to SF soon and living a kickin’ 20-something life with some of my favorite people. But in terms of the details and specifics that get me back to that point, I’m pretty much winging it.
Case in point: my flight back to the States. Originally, I was coming home in late June. Then, over Christmas break, I changed it to be coming home in early September in order to spend more time here and potentially see where things were going with The Boy, only to be told by said Boy that he really wished I could have talked to him first because he’d like to come visit me in the States and the only time he can do that is in August. So then I tried changing my frequent flyer-mile ticket to the end of July, thought I would be successful, and ended up effed by frequent-flyer-mile lameness. And just as I was getting used to the idea of staying for the summer, miraculously more flights opened up and I was able to change it for the end of July. Success! Except The Boy isn’t sure if he can come anymore due to la crisis. Awesome. I clearly do not fault him for this or believe that he’s doing it to purposely make my life a little more crazy, but it’s just inconvienent.
New thing I am learning #1: even in a relationship, particularly one in which you don’t know how things are going to work out logistically in six months, do the things that will make you happy regardless of the outcome and work around the details when you get there.
So, I’m home this summer! While this makes me really happy and it makes me even happier that The Boy will possibly be able to come visit me in August, this is just one of many things I have going on in my brain these days. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I am a little insane for how much I plan in advance (ha, pretty sure; no, try being told “estas loca” when you think two weeks in advance or more is an okay time to start thinking about lodging in a place, for example), and I am definitely the first to admit to you that I like my cosas in order for my personal sanity. If that means planning an Easter-weekend place to stay two months in advance, then so be it! If that means I want to know where I’m going to be spending the weekend after next in order to mentally prepare, I am all for it!
Thing #2 I am learning: live in the moment, person who loves to plan things! My life as it stands right now has no real easy way of working itself out. It’s going to require a lot of thinking and organizing at some point, assuming I stay with this boyfriend of mine, figuring out how I stay here for awhile longer or how he gets there in a legal way, all of which hurts my head just in theory. Plus, who really makes those decisions after 4 months of knowing someone? That seems a bit insane to me; hence, live in the moment. It is incredibly challenging for me, enjoying what I have now without worrying about the consequences or decisions that have to be made in the future, but I’m learning. And it’s kind of liberating at times – I am being the procrastinator I never was!
And even though she may not know this (actually, lies, she probably does), my Santiago-dwelling friend is certainly providing a lot of inspiration for me: it CAN be done, this international relationship thing, but you have to think creatively and be committed to making it happen. I like that thought, assuming that I have to make a similar decision come summertime. And as she keeps reminding me, I’ll try not to count those chickens before it’s time to see how they hatch.
For right now, I think my new education is keeping me quite busy enough. No sense worrying about what may or may not happen in the future, right? And just to show how much I’ve learned, I’m off to take advantage of the surprisingly gorgeous February weather, because who knows what’ll happen tomorrow?
February 16, 2009 at 2:13 pm
As far as your first lesson goes, YES. I mean you should try to avoid making yourself happy in a way that makes the other person unhappy, but if you aren’t a contented person you can hardly be a good girlfriend (or friend, for that matter). Even in the best, most solid relationship, you have to take care of yourself.
Haha, I’m glad I can serve as a guide through all of this…yes, it can be done if you really want to do it. And if it turns out that you aren’t that committed, then that’s ok too. Probably better to find these things out BEFORE you get married and have babies
It’s good to talk about the future, so that you’re both on the same page, but you don’t need to have it all planned out quite now. Hope you enjoyed the sunshine!
February 18, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Aw you won’t be traveling in the summer, which means you can’t come traipse around Egypt with me. Sad! Well, I still intend to be there in July, so, consider it
Sorry I’ve been so out of touch but internet is unreliable and inconsistent at best. I hope to be better once I’m in India! I miss you lots and let’s please talk soon somehow? Or maybe email is best. Anyway, love you! Keep going with the flow, my dear. Bisous!